


Cin Vhetin

by Wintermittens



Series: Ru’digu Haranov [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Clone Trooper Reconditioning (Star Wars), Clones figuring themselves out and trying to stay together!, Gender Identity, Mental Instability, allusions to decommissioning, clone whump, self discovery, shaak ti is a MOM and i will DIE on that hill, the boys are doing their best!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:35:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27224353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wintermittens/pseuds/Wintermittens
Summary: CT-54960 and his squad mates are just trying to survive Kamino and make it out into the world. War is a concept but death is a harsh reality, it's just hard to know what to do when you barely know yourself.
Relationships: Clone Troopers & Clone Troopers (Star Wars), Shaak Ti & Clone Troopers
Series: Ru’digu Haranov [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1988404
Comments: 5
Kudos: 18





	Cin Vhetin

**Author's Note:**

> Shout out to my two beta readers FlitShadowflame and SiladhielLithvirax for helping me make this!

The first thing that CT-54960 can remember is a deep pit in their being.

It felt like there was a hole in their chest, a deep well of pain stabbing him suddenly. It hurt so much that when they stumbled into consciousness they wailed.

Then they were awake, they were aware, but they didn't know what was happening. Everything felt too much and they felt too little. There was a distant murmuring to the left as the white encompassing their entire vision faded.

They were in a small room with no doors or windows, they craned their neck but found their movements limited.

They were held down by restraints, and their sluggish mind stuttered in fear. They couldn’t-they couldn’t remember how they got there, why were they restrained?

Their heart was pounding in their chest as the pit in their stomach grew and nothing made sense and they didn't know-

Suddenly there was pain and pain and pain.

There was nothing they could do, no matter how they struggled and squirmed they couldn't get away from the discordant agony in their mind. Their vision again being consumed by white, muscles seized and contracted as they thrashed and wailed until they couldn’t muster the strength to move.

They felt flayed and their body twitched in after shocks as a loud, dispassionate voice began to play from somewhere above.

_"Clone Trooper designation CT-54960, you have been sent to reconditioning for defective and violent characteristics. Once all answers and tests are carried out to optimal conditions you will be released. Awaiting affirmative action."_

Was that them? Was the voice speaking to them? What...what was defective about them?

_"Awaiting affirmative action."_

What was it asking them to do? Their head pressed against the cool metal as they closed their eyes. What was it asking them?

_"Awaiting affirmative action."_

Maybe, maybe speaking back would be the correct thing to do? They swallowed, throat dry and scratchy from all the screaming.

"A-affirmative?"

There was a low dial up sound as the ceiling changed colors and lights stung their eyes. A deep feeling of dread welled up inside of them and for a second they remembered something, something desperate. Something that told _him to **get away** and **find-**_. It was ripped from them as the voice and lights consumed their thoughts.

CT-54960 cannot say what else happened, they don't recall much. All they remembered from that experience is coming to as they were marched back to barracks, slightly stumbling behind an Overseer.

Dead fish eyes stared at CT-54960 over a long neck, narrowing in displeasure at the sight of them. A chill went down their spine as they tried to match the long gait of the taller, more elegant creature in front of them.

CT-54960 trudged through sterile white walls with sterile white floors, worrying they'd get lost in them. They didn’t know what would happen if they lost sight of the Overseer. They didn’t want to find out.

Finally they arrived at their destination. CT-54960 could hear a loud commotion behind the door. They saw the Kaminiise scrunch their oblong face in distaste and then turned and glared at them.

"Stay where you are. I will make the others aware of our presence."

Coming to attention, CT-54960 stood perfectly still, not daring to contradict them. Yet quickly sneaking a glance at the control panel The Overseer used, wanting to keep them in CT-54960’s line of sight. From behind the door the voices and laughs grating on their sensitive ears suddenly quieted as the door was finally opened.

The others inside were hundreds of men with the same face. Some were in red and blue uniform, some in half white armor, and others fully suited. They all stood straight, saluting to The Overseer with a hint of fear.

The Kaminiise dipped its head at them but did not speak a word, watching all of the men through narrowed eyes. Once satisfied with whatever elusive thing they wanted the Overseer turned their gaze to CT-54960.

"You will be placed here, as you all were."

And then the Overseer left.

CT-54960 stood motionless as hundreds of eyes turned to them. They waited there. No one had asked CT-54960 to move and the last directive was to stay still and-

They saw a couple of the others in the middle of the room turn towards each other and began to speak in low tones. Slowly, the rest broke ranks to go back to their conversations and games. Unease hung in the air that left CT-54960 uncomfortable in their armor.

CT-54960 began to wonder what it was the others were talking about, wondering if anyone was going to say something to them. They stayed firmly near the closed door. They wondered if they were going to be asked to move.

CT-54960 watched the small group turn back to them as two peeled off and started walking to where they were standing. Still being looked at. They straightened their back, were they making themself bigger? Were they trying to make themself more intimidating? Was it working? Were the others going to leave them alone?

The pit in their stomach deepened at the thought of being alone. But a curl of anger and mistrust brewed at the thought of being ordered. What did CT-54960 want? What were they afraid of?

So deep in their own thoughts, they didn’t fully realize how close the two had become. CT-54960 startled, rocking back on their feet, head warring with the need to stay still and the desire to run away.

The one to their right looked concerned and sad, the other looked uncomfortable.

Same face, same eyes, same everything. CT-54960 could hardly breathe.

"Hey vod, uh. What's your name?"

The one to the left glared at the right one, which looked abashed. They blinked behind their buy'ce.

"CT-54960."

The right one nodded but the left one became more saddened. Was what they said wrong? CT-54960 didn't know what else to say, was there a better answer?

"Understood, I'm CT-44528 and this is CT-44529. I will be escorting you through training and down time for the duration of the week until you settle in."

CT-44528 was very strict and very confident in ordering them around. The strange anger curled in his chest, but they swallowed it like a bitter pill.

"Understood."

"Okay, come on, enough with the regs 28."

CT-44529 butted in with a slight pout.

"Listen vod, I'm CT-44529 but when the long necks aren't around you can call me Fritz. I uh, don’t know what you remember, but me and ol' 28 here are going to help you out. _Even after the week is over."_

This was said pointedly and CT-44528 loudly sighed. A weak glare was sent over at CT-44529 before waving a hand in front of their face as if chasing a bad smell away.

"Whatever."

The lackluster response made CT-44529 grin widely. CT-54960 marveled at how open the other was.

"Okay! Let's get you bunkered down for the night, we can go over op specs and training regs tomorrow-"

CT-44528 scoffed and turned away from them both, walking into the now loud room filled with laughing men.

"Tonight would be better, you don’t want him to get punishment detail first thing do you?"

CT-54960 watched as the pout came back to CT-44529's face as he turned towards them.

"He means well, he’s just grumpy. Uh, we better get going. Are you okay with physical contact?"

A hand was stretched out in front of them, CT-445-Fritz's hesitant but smiling face looking back at them.

For a second, it was a different hand with a different man but everything was washed out and indistinct. The pit inside CT-54960 contracted and then consumed them in a dark strong grief. Their knees buckled a bit, but they remained standing upright.

"Hey, hey! Its-it's okay, if you don't-"

CT-54960 grabbed Fritz’s hand quickly, scared that it would be retracted. Scared that they’d be left alone. _Scared._

Fritz looked at them with, was that fear? Was he scared of them? CT-54960 thought, perhaps they should let go but then the strange look changed making their stomach quiver. It was warm yet sad, his eyes radiated a sort of deep empathy that was hard to look at, so they didn’t. CT-54960 looked away and squeezed his hand, too choked up, but it seemed like Fritz understood anyway.

Fritz held CT-54960’s hand and began to walk them through the sea of men, slowly making their way to the bunks where 28 was waiting.

"Alright vod let's get you comfy, welcome back okay? We're here for you."


End file.
